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Stress Management for Steeler Fans
Brought to you by McMillen & Wife

With an 0-5 start looming on the horizon barring divine intervention, Steeler fans are bound to experience intense bouts of frustration, depression, and yes, perhaps even a case of the rare and dreaded "Browns envy" during the coming weeks.

Fear not... Mac & Wife are here to help, using today's most cutting-edge anger management techniques. Just practice any (or all) of these simple, easy to follow therapeautic treatments once per day and you will be well on your way to recovery.

1) If you know a Cowboy fan, stuff a banana in the tailpipe of their El Camino, sit back, and enjoy. I know they don't have anything to do with our plight, but the warm, fuzzy feeling you'll get listening to their vehicle sputter and die (for GOOD this time) as it leaves the driveway is a great first step toward better mental health.

Improve Bill's Looks
Simply click and drag within the image to warp it.
(If you had a Java-capable browser, you'd see a really cool applet here.) 
2) For those of you riding the "FIRE Cowher NOW" bandwagon (a fraternity to which I do NOT belong), you should find our game (at right) called "Improve Bill's Looks" to be a great stress-reliever. Simply click and drag within the picture... HOURS of fun, my bruthas.

3) For those of you who still blame Kordell for all of our ills, grab you darts and CLICK HERE for a handy, fun-filled printout you can pin to your dartboard.

4) Realization is half the battle. Once you understand what distracted Kent Graham enough to cause his infamous sack on the final play of last week's Browns game, you'll have closure. CLICK HERE to view this previously unseen photo (a McMillen & Wife exclusive you MUST SEE!).

5) If all else fails, grab a twelve pack of Iron City beer and, well... drink the #%$& out of it.

Above all else, bruthas & sistas, maintain your sense of humor about this situation... you just might find you can enjoy the season in spite of ripping your hair out on Sundays. There's a certain dignity to losing with class... find a way to make your peace with it, and move on. It is, after all, only a game.

And remember this: the Steelers WILL return to glory... we've been though this before.

Tim McMillen
Webmaster, McMillen & Wife

Fan Reactions
The following articles are listed in the order they were received (with the most recent entries at the top). This isn't a "guestbook" format... I read and manually insert every message, so you may not see your submission show up immediately. Thanks a million for your comments, people!
Submitted by Michael Aubrecht
I, like most of you, have been sitting around trying put a positive spin on our team's current losing streak. I tell myself things like "It's OK, we're in a rebuilding stage." and "We were just like this in the 80's and we made our way back to the top." I try to blame it on free agency, coaching changes, aging veterans and inexperienced rookies. All for nothing...

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem... "Pittsburgh, we have a problem." A Very BIG problem. Somebody contact Missing Persons!

Every Sunday I watch a bunch of guys in Black and Gold come running out onto the field. I see the familiar names on the backs of their jerseys. I see the intense faces of the coaches on the sidelines. I see the Terrible Towels waving in the stands and yet after all of that, I still don't see The Pittsburgh Steelers.

Not MY Steelers and your Steelers. Not the legacy of Championship dynasties, not the descendants of The Steel Curtain, The 60 Minute Men, The Mighty Black and Gold... where are you?

Last night, I was sitting around reflecting on the "Glory Days" (because right now, that is all we have). In an effort to cheer myself up, I dusted off my original Jimmy Pol 45 of the 1979 version of the Super Steelers Fight Song, spun up the old record player, turned up the volume and took a trip back in time...

It really did the trick. After all, everybody loves a good polka. I've decided to post the lyrics as a form of therapy to all you Steelers fans that share my pain. Feel free to put on that old Steelers "tossil cap" that doesn't fit anymore and your "One For The Thumb" button. Grab a cold Iron and sing along: 1-2-3-4

(Crowd noise - rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah)

Made of Steel, Made of Steel,
the Super Steelers, the Pittsburgh Thrill...

(Trumpet charge sound)

We're from the town with the Super Bowl team,
three time winners Steelers.
We've proved to the world that we have the best team,
congratulations Steelers.

Bradshaw and Rocky - "Still"worth and Lynn,
some of the super Steelers.
It's been many years in coming,
now keep the Steeler machinery humming.

Da du da du da, da du da du da

Defense, Defense
make them scramble - intercept that ball.
Defense, Defense
make the Steelers win the Super Bowl.

Joe Greene - Lambert - Ham
keep driving back the other team.
Webster - Thornton - Bahr,
we're so glad you play-ay here - now join
with me and sing the Steeler cheer-er-Er.

We're from the town with the Super Bowl team,
we cheer the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Chuck Noll and all his friends are all on the field,
go out and get them STEELERS.

Banaszak's Bunch are here for the show
and so is Franco's Army.
It's been many years in coming,
just keep the Steelers machinery humming.

Offense, Offense
take that football all way up that field.
Offense, Offense
let's score and score and never ever yield.

Franco, Franco let's prove again we have a running game.
The Steelers are so great
and they play the best of all
to take our Pittsburgh to the Super Bowl- ol- ol.

Michael Aubrecht
Steelerweb/UPSOF
The Black&Gold Magazine



Submitted by Jonathan Pasterick
THANK YOU for adding some levity to this site. It was becoming downright funereal around here. The way I've thought about this season is this: I can do all the pissing and moaning I want about the Steelers and how bad they are, and I can offer up 2,000 suggestions for improvement, but the bottom line is that I have neither Dan Rooney nor Bill Cowher's ear right now (nor do 99.8% of Steeler fans), so what I think ultimately don't mean squat. As I said earlier this year, I see the Steelers as underdogs in most of their games this year, so I'm just looking for the positives in the games. In the Browns game, Bettis ran like a tank and Graham didn't look horrible (except for all those batted balls). Maybe they'll get better.

The funny thing is that, where I normally watch Steelers games, at a Steelers fan club around where I live, a lot of people felt the same way. Losing to the Browns sucks, but these guys are going to lose a number of games this year, and you can't pull your hair out every Sunday. Not that watching the Steelers lose is fun, but having heart attacks over them is even less fun.

At least where I live, down around D.C., I have the entertainment value of the Redskins. To all you Dan Rooney bashers out there, I say this: you can spend lots of money and still suck. Just watch the Redskins.

Jonathan Pasterick


Submitted by Ron Stough
Hello Tim,

You still have the best Steelers site out in .com land.

I would like to put forth a theory I have about the Steelers downfall. We all have our little rituals when it comes to the Steelers. I believe that the Steelers broke one of theirs. I believe it all started when the Steelers changed the number style. When they went to the softer curved numbers on their jerseys, that's when they got soft. Bring back the block numbers the hard numbers, the Steelers numbers style.

I can not believe that the Steelers are this bad!!! The only relieve I'll have is I deploy in November for six months and I'll miss the rest of the season.

Well keep your head up. ITS GOT TO GET BETTER, it surly can not get any worse that losing to Cleveland.

Ron Stough
SVIRONMAN



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